Marriage - The funny side of it..

Was sent to me by ashwathy, an IAS aspirant when we were together at aetna Navalur...really loved this one...

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads
were spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset.
Mother put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she's
coming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep
foreboding.
Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come.
He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had
found a million excuses for not being able to visit India , call any of the
chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause.
Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead.
Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat
in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my
brother with a vivid description of the scene before me.

A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried
not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card
reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and
shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and
looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long
steps and covered father in a tight embrace. Father's jiggling out of it was
too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva Shiva!". She
shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I
imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!". Suddenly,
my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next
one week, life promised to be quite exciting.
Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter
skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes.
He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture
him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if
the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food,
especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly
oblivious to the apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking
sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide
my giggles.Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on
all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek
and Barbara?


She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she
said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was quite innocuous.
Vivek was wearing shorts and standing alone on the beach. In the next
photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini
and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck. Father got
up, and flicked the towel off his shoulder. It was a gesture we in the
family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out.
Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh.
He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if
said son had been within reach, father would have lovingly wrung his
neck.
My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement.
They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a
lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said
that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a perpetual
frown.
Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.
Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would
be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey
conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The
rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss you!" she said
to both. She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places
they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very
confusing.


This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better
than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had
come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the
plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his
child, the door would have been forever shut in his face. Aunt promptly
revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would
rejoice if she knew of Barbara!

On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of
Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far
louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time.
Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara came out and her
face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings
now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why.
Mother was standing as if turned to stone. Was she supposed to react with
the compassion reserved for pregnant women? With the criticism reserved
for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant
unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit?
Mother, who navigated familiar flows of married life with the skill of a champion

oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings.
She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear
like a bad dream. I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next
week.Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold
of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance. The
day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still
stuck in Guatemala . Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine, Sameera
Sheikh, needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow
at 10am . Sorry for the trouble."


So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At
last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest
of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to
father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest
way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in
love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been
in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a
Child Psychologist.
She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took
out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for
me." Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai University
and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said. Everyone cheered
up. Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar,
it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar".
Mother was smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother
had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen.
But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring
in who ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the
puja room, but on the third day, was stunned to see father inviting her in
and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one"
he said. Sameera nodded sagely.
By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's
collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why
couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from
the airport saying he had cut short his Guatemala trip and was on his way
home, all had a million things to discuss with him.
He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University.
"So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know
her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very
hard, and she'll do anything to help."
He turned and winked at me.


Oh, I got the plot now! By the time Sameera returned home that
evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't
worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents."
On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.

It said......



"Flight to India - $1500.

Indian kurta - $15.

Emetic to throw up - $1.

The look on your parents' faces - priceless" J

Divine

Kaarmukil varnante chundil
cherum odakuzhalinte ullil
veenurangunnoru sree raagame
ninnil pulkiyunarthaan
marannu kannan

njanen mizhi naalamanayaatherichum
neerum nejakam akilaay pukachum
vaadum karalthadam kanneeraal nanachum
ninne thedi nadannu thalarnnu krishna
neeyen nombaram ariyumo shyaama varna




ninte nandana vrindaavanathil
pookkum paarijaathathinte kombil
varum janmathilenkilum shourye
oru poovaay viriyaan kazhinjuvenkil
ninte kaalkkal veenadiyuvaan kazhinjuvenkil

krishna.......krishna.....krishna....
krishna.......krishna.....krishna....

Ecstasy

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.



And its whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If theres a bustle in your hedgerow
Dont be alarmed now,
Its just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road youre on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it wont go
In case you dont know,
The pipers calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How evrything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And shes buying a stairway to heaven.

Harry Puttar and my seemingly endless wait.....

The other day someone was questioning me whether I still read Potter....My unabashed reply was not something he expected and the poor chap was staring at with sympathy laden eyes...My eyes were quite busy elsewhere( no, there were no chicks around), searching in vain for a wand nearby and use the avada kedavra on him...Yeah, I like potter and what's the big deal in that ??

The morning was spent on cursing amazon fellas. Those loons had bragged that the book would be delivered today..Still no signs...was frequently tracking the shipment and it seems that the book had still not left hartford...Was tempted to use the "Pappadam kuthi" and try the summoning charm....Kya kare, once a muggle, always a muggle !!!

Spent the morning following the test match at Lords...Sachin scored 37 but India wanted something much bigger from him...Sachin is something more than a player for me..have grown up seeing him play, right from the 92 world cup till today..For us fanatics, he is a god incarnate..And to know that this would be his last appearance at the mecca of cricket,was quite depressing...

Oh ! amidst all this, Indian team was doing what it knows best...messing up the match...

I hear rumblings from the distance..Drat !!! thunder storms are approaching..I cursed the rain gods as this meant another day lost for cricket...I looked up ..Hmm !! Strange, I see blue skies throughout...I look below..and locate the source of those hideous sounds...Hmmm..It seems to be from my tummy....

Signing off as I need to pacify my stomach....

A day, some thoughts, salmon and swimming

"Crap, Pathetic !!!" would be the incantation from Parida's side if he had looked at the title..As usual, I was lazy to think about some fundoo title for this post..."Don't judge a post by it's title" - my lazy mind was preaching....hmm..an original blogger's saying...It did bear some inexplicable similiarity to another saying in english..but then who cares....Originality had lost its say long back...

Nothing much to report today..Got up quite early at 7.15 and rushed to the office by 8.00..pretty early from Indian standards, but the elation was lost once I entered the facility..the "vidheshis" were already onto their 2nd coffee..Being "an unearthly time" for Indians to reach office, I was rewarded with a lot of sympathetic glances....

The meetings just flew by, conducted by folks who didn't have the faintest of ideas on what to talk & attended by folks who didn't have a clue on what was going on...


The best way to go by these, as experience taught me, was to stick to the side to which the wind blew..more often than not, it should be the right path...


and that's it..I am too hungry and too lazy and too bored to type more...calling it quits..Oh ! we cooked salmon for the first time that day...prior to that went swimming...The last sentences used the last reserves of my strength..did it solely because the post should contain some reference to these terms...phew..

To build or not to build......

why do I take all sorts of rash decisions these days ??? repenting afterwards is not practical..hmm...have to dust up those grey cells and find a way out of this soup...

Those tees looked fab on that damn dummy...was mesmerised by its appeal..imagined myself to be one kewl and trendy dude in 'em..Hell mate !!! Picturized me in em, walking thru the malls, with the every1 drooling over me...hmmm...thoughts needn't necessarily translate into practical situations in life..But then, the euphoria created,shut out the ramblings from that distant corner of the brain, where logic still had a say....Note: I still do have remnants of a brain, however miniscule it is.....An entry, glorifying the intellectual capabilities of my grey cells, would be published soon as proof for the non believers....

Oh !!yeah...My cluttered brain fell for the bright mirage generated by those trendy clothes and guided my hands to drop all those clothes onto the counter....The million watt smile on the clerk's face was falsely assumed to be something reserved only for customers who shop big time....Perhaps, there was an element of sarcasm in it....

Couldn't wait to try those back home...Drat !! those dumb sunglasses of mine were missing...Using advanced combing techniques, I finally located them inside the flower pot....In full attire, with the air of a hunk, I finally took a look at myself in the mirror....

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!! In a split second, realisation wiped away those ephemeral thoughts.....My stubborn brain tried its best to locate the silver lining but seems that the bloody cloud never had one....To wear those trendy clothes, one must be endowed with a complete set of biceps, chest and abs....Since, these were not for sale anywhere, I was in trouble...googled the fitness sites and realised that sweating for 6 months, might produce results....Those disclaimers, ifs and buts didn't help to improve my confidence...




With a loud groan, I set out on my quest to unearth the elusive dumbells, which were stored conveniently away from the eyes of the general public, lest some1 were affected by thoughts to start toning down.....I sat staring at the pair for close to 15 min, munching those snack bars..To build or not to build, that is the question !!!

About 5 lazy arses and a mrn at Mangalassery.....

don't know how else to describe the 5 of us who spend the best 3 years of our lives at Mangalassery....We were just a bunch of lazy bums who did everything from planning month end tours to charting our careers, without venturing away from the comforts of our bed....

I used to Kick start a day at mangalassery...Ahem, meant that I used to kick the others from their bed every mrn...Followed by a mad rush downstairs to get the paper...enroute, a halt at sanil's door, to borrow tooth paste...so much for the fun part..once inside, the crisp news paper would be "split up" among whoever was awake...the lucky one(usually the strongest) got the sports section and with it, the oppurtunity to use the "Den" aka Mithilapuri...roughly translated to Loo...

Oh..how could i forget it !! Waking up sanooj everyday was the best part of the morning...from within the murky darkness of the once pink bed sheet( which saw water & soap once a decade), 2 fingers would direct the nearest person to the switchboard...subsequent twirling of the fingers, first clockwise and then , up an' down, was his way of signalling to us to turn off the fan...a period of inactivity was followed by the shaking of his feet...This action meant that he would rise like a phoenix from under the sheet in another 10 min...Something that we got to know thru the course of time..

6 people and one loo usually indicates a late entry into the class..but, Mangalasserians were always prompt to enter the classrooms... back seats got filled up first and the lecturers would be shocked to see us up front...

Breakfast was a gala affair at Rajadhani/Classic...brkfast was a routine affair - tea ,appam and egg curry..then a 50ps ride to college on the pvt bus...bustling and jostling, we made it to the happening place called "Manakala Junction"...

My Evaluation sheet...

Happened to look at the calendar in my outlook....hmmm..it was the month of july...been 8 months since I reached the land of dreams...8 long months, but for me, they just flew by...decided to evaluate those 8 months..in terms of what I have gained and what I have lost...

First thoughts were in terms of career..hmm, I have gone up a notch or two now..seen places, met people...I discovered traits of mine, which were hitherto, unseen.. have been more responsible(my friends back home would have a good laugh on reading this), more patient and more diplomatic in handling tough situations...

Partied hard, slogged hard..Loved my life & lived my life...Transformed from a horrendous cook to a bad cook...from a choosy person to an "anything is good for me" type...
phew !! so much for the good stuff..

On a personal front, it was a loss...Was not with my granny when she passed away...She always used to say that she was the first one in the family to hold me when I entered the world...And I was not with her, when she left the world..

Never been separated from my parents for so long..Realised how much they miss me, the last time I talked to amma..they seem to have stopped making all my fave dishes at home, as they feel it would not be good enuf without me by their side...



8 months from my family, friends and relatives...8 months from the sights and sounds that I loved so much...8 long months...Have I gained or Have I lost ?? That remains a question